I know exactly what kind of grandpa and uncle I want to be.
I want to be the one who gets shot with a Nerf gun the second he walks in the door and tackled into some roughhousing before he’s taken his coat off. The kids can’t wait to show him what they made or found in the backyard.
None of that happens by accident. Kids can tell who’s actually glad to see them.
My dad’s dad, my grandpa, had INSANE patience. When I was 11 or 12, I couldn’t get his Evinrude outboard motor started, so I decided to take it upon myself to pull the spark plugs and check if they were fouled. BUT, I put them back in using the spark plug wrench.
I can hear you mechanically minded people gasping right now… yep, I stripped those aluminum threads right off.
My grandpa looked at his young grandson and said, “Well, pull the motor off the boat and load it into my car.” No anger, not even a hint of disappointment.
When we got in the car, I asked, “Aren’t you mad?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
He just smiled while putting it in drive and said, “Mike, I’ll bet you never make that mistake again.”
Someday, far in the future, I hope to be half the man he was.
Saying it out loud
Part of it is being willing to tell people you care about them.
I’m not afraid to do that. I mean actually saying “I love you,” even to someone who isn’t used to hearing it.
It makes me vulnerable, and sometimes it backfires. Somebody doesn’t know what to do with it and makes a joke, or it lands at the wrong moment and gets awkward for a minute.
I’ve decided I can live with a little awkward. I’d rather risk that than have someone go years, or a whole life, not knowing.
More often than not, it works. Kids especially need to hear it, and so do a lot of grown-ups who never did.
Starting now
You become that grandpa a little at a time, years before the first grandkid shows up. You slow down enough to notice people and get down on the floor with them.